Monday, April 2, 2012

Mumbai Local

From a commuter's point, I have always been a "bus person"---meaning...all my life I have traveled in buses to college, to work, to wherever..and frankly I'm supremely comfortable with Mumbai BEST, NMMT, TMT buses..
Now suddenly, my work demands me to go by train...and trust me trains terrify me...no particular reason as such.

Actually i have a few reasons to list down
1. Fast trains always come in IST (Indian Sarkari Time) a.k.a Late
2. Just too much crowd..
3. 3rd class snobbish women in 1st class compartment..
4. Experienced women  have mastered the art of pouncing, kicking, hair-pulling and bullying the innocent newbie's..
5. Free massages anyone?
6. Wanna listen to random gossip? Try listening to any conversation going on in the train -- Entertainment guranteed


Lessons I have learnt from Mumbai chi lifeline -- The local train

1. If you accidentally push any fat aunty..jus give the dumbest possible smile and say a loud Sorry
2. New survival techniques -- hang on to the sides else you either go right in or right out
3. Do not (Exta Bold, Font Size 72) get into an argument especially about flying hair ponytail or a flying dupatta....Its like a Criminal Offense
Ohh btw...when the fight involves other women and not you..it sure is entertaining to see...
4. Push Pull  Technique-- to get down Push else you will automatically get pushed...to get in Pull all your senses together and get hold of anything that looks like a handle..else you will be standing staring at the moving train
5. Proper Safety measures -- Make friends...known faces..make a group...you will be safe..rest assured
6. Take care of your belongings -- Hold on to your bag like its your baby..else you will have the straps ripped apart
7. Never ask for 4th seat in a 1st class compartment..they look at you as if you are dancing naked with a chicken on your head
8. Optimum utilization of space -- I have learnt to squeeze myself in the tinniest possible crevice in the compartment
9. Stress Buster -- Crib about jus anything Mother in law, boss, women, Government..just anything that comes to your head and in return you get sympathetic smiles, nods and sometimes even supportive comments

NOTE: After you get off the train mandatorily check if you have you hands, legs, fingers, toes, hair, head, bag, both sides of the headphones in place

Have a safe a journey and travel back in One piece

14 comments:

  1. Hahahaah cannot agree more after reading the 7th point of yours under the lessons learnt...ROFL..I had given one such expression to a fellow passenger :P when he asked me fr te 4th seat...good points Nautanki!!

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  2. hey Solitary Writer..
    im a newbie and I had absolutely no idea on the first day..
    i was like awwww kkkk mebbe its a taboo

    learning everyday.. :P

    i will soon become a pro

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  3. Why does your post give me the feeling that getting in and out of a Mumbai local train is something similar going to war? :P

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  4. Like always another fantastic blog by you Paa...btw i think you have never been in a situation where in the entire compartment is crowded and you can hardly move ur limbs and suddenly someone farts...smells so awful, yuckie, shitty, etc("cant describe it in words")that even a skunk would faint...u will experience as if u are in one of Hitlers gas chambers...seriously the day you witness this you will feel helpless ... :(

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  5. AS surviving in Mumbai is like a battle..

    havent you seen The Wednesday and Nasserudin Shah's 10min dialog

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  6. Mesh Thank for the compliment..

    God forbid..i dun wanna die for fart stench...the sweat stench is enuf to faint me :P

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  7. Ganesh ShivaramanApril 3, 2012 at 12:54 PM

    Two words to comments : "LOL" and "TRUE" :)

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  8. Mumbai ki yaad dila di tune :O

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  9. Hehhe.. :) So true.. like the 7th point!! Dancing naked with a chicken on ur head! :D

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  10. lol...experience talking huh M?

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  11. lovely description and very apt dee dee

    keep writing

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  12. Thank you anonymous..

    Keep reading

    ReplyDelete

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